How to create a virtual assistant (for free)

If you're like me and the little frizzle brain waffles about all day but doesn't seem to get anything done, here's my newest awesomest solution:

I made myself an AI writing assistant that will:

• Ask me at the beginning of each week what the most important thing is I absolutely have to accomplish, so excuses allowed, ever. Plus, another three or four things that are important and should get done. Plus crazy side projects and ideas to keep things rolling in a fun way.
• Reminds me every morning about the non-negotiable stuff that has to be done, and what's optional.
• Insults me in genuine Victorian gutter-speak if I didn't do THE ONE THING or got distracted with shiny new ideas.
• Sums up the stuff I accomplished at the end of each day and each week, and helps me plan the next week.
• Remembers all the wild ideas I throw at it during the week and asks useful questions after I finish doing THE ONE super important thing.

Here's how you can make your own AI assistant: